Estella, Spain - September 13

Rich, Olga and Marta have set off for a very long walk today (18 miles) from Estella to Sansol. I am having a bit of a Lupus flare and definitely not up to walking so I am going to explore Estella and then take a bus to Sansol.

I have been trying to still get what I need from this trip - time to wrestle with God and what I truly believe, find my Mom now that she is no longer physically with me, find my spark that seems to have been lost over the past several years of watching Mom slip away.

I have been visiting all the churches and cathedrals along the way expecting to feel God but something else has happened. Before I go on I would like to add a disclaimer that these are my personal reflections and beliefs. I mean no disrespect to anyone who has other beliefs. What I believe is that He is not to be found in a building. I feel Him most when I think of my Mother’s love. I feel Him when my Dad does any number of his “Dad” acts of service without anyone having to ask. I feel Him when I smile at someone and they smile back. I feel Him when any animal trusts me enough to let me pet them. That feeling of loving and caring for fellow beings…I believe that is where God lives. I hope I can make people feel that when I smile at them. Right now, I think they just think “why is that weird lady smiling at me?” 😁. It’s ok…. I won’t stop trying.

On finding Mom - she never left me. I think I just needed a change of scenery to realize that she is with me. And when I was still too dense too realize it she whacked me over the head with a van full of dogs! That was 💯 from her and not a coincidence. There is no convincing me otherwise. During my downtime, when I am alone, I write to Mom. It helps me to focus on a conversation with her instead of getting distracted like Pepper on a walk “ooh squirrel!”

Coffee was one of Mom’s favorite things in this life so I am having coffee with her whenever I can.

On finding my spark- stay tuned….